REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : Letterman On Hold

B+: QUARTERBACKS

Kansas City is in second place and it has Dave Krieg at quarterback. The Chargers are in third place with Stan Humphries at quarterback. Don’t you feel sorry for the Chiefs?

B: RUNNING BACKS

The football definition of humility: “I tried to tackle Ronnie Harmon.” Marion Butts has a fumble in each of his last three games; you wouldn’t think the prospect of Clinton’s presidency would have such an impact on the guy.

C+: RECEIVERS

Shawn Jefferson catches 51-yard pass and you expect game to be stopped and an investigation to take place . . . What do Dodger infielders and Derrick Walker have in common? Both wear gloves and can’t catch.

D+: OFFENSIVE LINE

The quarterback treated these guys to dinner before the game, and they responded by trying to make it the last supper for Humphries. Harry Swayne now knows what it feels like to be Al Luginbill for a day.

B+: DEFENSIVE LINE

Chris Mims fails to get a sack, and just when the Hall of Fame committee began to take an interest in his work. Shawn Lee makes an appearance, just like Regis Philbin in Night and the City. Don’t blink.

B: LINEBACKERS

Junior Seau takes the blame for key Chiefs’ gain to set up winning field goal. That’s like the Pope saying it is his fault Madonna has gone wild. Ref calls personal foul on Eugene Marve, and you thought the guy just sat on the bench.

B+: DEFENSIVE BACKS

Someone had to explain to Donald Frank after the game that Chiefs’ fans were doing the “chop” and not pointing in his direction every time Krieg went back to pass. Nice game, Sean Vanhorse. Hurry back, Tony Blaylock.

D: SPECIAL TEAMS

Holding penalty, muffed punt, poor kickoff coverage and raise your hand if you thought John Carney would have made a game-winning field goal if given the chance? Somebody . . . Alex . . .

B+: COACHING

Cancel those ESPN, Good Morning America and Arsenio appearances for Bobby Ross. Ross asks for divine intervention only to discover what others before him have learned: Chargers don’t have prayer in big games.