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CAPSULES AND RANKINGS

Team: 1. Buffalo (4-1)

Opponent: Miami

Comment: Apologies from doubters being accepted.

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Team: 2. Green Bay (5-1)

Opponent: San Francisco

Comment: Christmas shoppers, genuine cheesehead costs $19.95.

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Team: 3. Denver (5-1)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: If Lois can marry Superman, Elway can win Super Bowl.

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Team: 4. San Francisco (4-1)

Opponent: at Green Bay

Comment: 49er fixation on Elvis may not be a fad.

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Team: 5. Minnesota (5-1)

Opponent: at Tampa Bay

Comment: Like Leaning Tower, so close to toppling.

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Team: 6. Indianapolis (4-1)

Opponent: Baltimore

Comment: Colts, Browns, Ravens: all so confusing.

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Team: 7. Pittsburgh (4-1)

Opponent: Cincinnati

Comment: Bettis or Phillips? Bettis has 524 yards, Phillips 136.

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Team: 8. Kansas City (4-2)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: That’s B-o-n-o, not B-o-z-o. Common mistake.

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Team: 9. Detroit (4-2)

Opponent: at Oakland

Comment: “Bad As I Wanna Be” written by Rodman, not Fontes.

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Team: 10. Miami (3-2)

Opponent: at Buffalo

Comment: Johnson fires safety. Barber should be next.

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Team: 11. Washington (4-1)

Opponent: at New England

Comment: Frauds in capital not all politicians.

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Team: 12. Dallas (2-3)

Opponent: Arizona

Comment: Barry, have Aikman get the ball to Irvin.

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Team: 13. Houston (3-2)

Opponent: at Atlanta

Comment: Eddie George could get away with yelling at coach.

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Team: 14. Philadelphia (3-2)

Opponent: at N.Y. Giants

Comment: NFL will allow Detmer to stand on ladder to throw.

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Team: 15. Carolina (3-2)

Opponent: St. Louis

Comment: Thanks for the memories.

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Team: 16. New England (3-2)

Opponent: Washington

Comment: Men to moon? Parcells can win with offense.

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Team: 17. San Diego (4-2)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: No more big games until Chargers agree to show up.

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Team: 18. Baltimore (2-3)

Opponent: at Indianapolis

Comment: Locals disgusted by Alomar can adopt Bam Morris.

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Team: 19. Jacksonville (2-4)

Opponent: N.Y. Jets

Comment: Rison whines, pulls hamstring. Sit down.

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Team: 20. Chicago (2-4)

Opponent: at New Orleans

Comment: Ah, Bryan Cox, about “That Thing You Do.”

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Team: 21. N.Y. Giants (2-3)

Opponent: Philadelphia

Comment: 12-year-old’s catch saves Yanks; Giants offer contract.

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Team: 22. Oakland (2-4)

Opponent: Detroit

Comment: Commitment to excellence: Can’t beat it.

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Team: 23. Seattle (2-4)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Untraded Mirer stuck in deep Friesz.

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Team: 24. Arizona (2-3)

Opponent: at Dallas

Comment: When last won two in a row they were Chicago Cardinals.

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Team: 25. Cincinnati (1-4)

Opponent: at Pittsburgh

Comment: Words David Shula might consider: “Dad, help.”

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Team: 26. St. Louis (1-4)

Opponent: at Carolina

Comment: Short honeymoons? Di and Charles, Rams and St. Louis.

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Team: 27. New Orleans (1-5)

Opponent: Chicago

Comment: Nobody better at rallying 0-5 team; lots of practice.

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Team: 28. Atlanta (0-5)

Opponent: Houston

Comment: Quarterback suspended, but where’s everyone else?

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Team: 29. Tampa Bay (0-5)

Opponent: Minnesota

Comment: Heart, kidney--why not talent transplant for Dilfer?

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Team: 30. N.Y. Jets (0-6)

Opponent: at Jacksonville

Comment: Magic number in Peyton Manning derby is 10--more losses.