‘Seven’ Spills Blood in Its Quest for Ratings for CBS

They first rode in 1954 as Akira Kurosawa’s “The Seven Samurai.” Then came the “The Magnificent Seven,” the U.S. movie in 1960, followed by three sequels. So what may have passed as an original idea some years ago is now covered by saddle sores.

No wonder, then, that Saturday’s two-hour debut of “The Magnificent Seven” the CBS series, is about as exciting as “The Magnificent Ambersons.” Although not nearly as watchable.

This remake of many remakes features a rerecording of the original Elmer Bernstein score, but no one in the cast has the magnetism to live up to that famous music, which comes with a set of expectations that asks a lot of the actors as well as of the script.

The hard-riding, fast-shooting do-gooders are played by Michael Biehn, Eric Close, Ron Perlman, Rick Worthy, Dale Midkiff, Anthony Starke and Andrew Kavovit. The original cast members included Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn and Charles Bronson among the seven.

Once again, seven heroes from contrasting backgrounds unite to stamp out injustice in the Old West. Instead of Mexican townsfolk harassed by bandits, the oppressed this time are some innocent Seminoles who are being victimized by a ragtag troop of marauding Johnny Rebs led by a lunatic colonel who has conveniently forgotten that the Civil War is over.

Forget about that, though. The plot, such as it is, exists only as an excuse for the bloodiest shootout this side of “Bella Mafia,” with bodies piling up like the ratings points CBS is hoping to gain from this unremarkable new series.

The loopy colonel turns out to have the resilience of Rasputin, meanwhile. Like this concept for a western, he refuses to die.

* “The Magnificent Seven” airs tonight at 8 p.m. on KCBS Channel 2.